Tuesday, July 11, 2023

Pinky Ruth #96

I had spent a lovely day eating plastic, throwing up plastic and chasing a frozen pea across the floor for 9 minutes. But I experienced true shock when Maddie told me the news.

Maddie informed that Lay-dee has been taking advantage of me. Apparently, I have a presence on the internet that I was previously unaware of. And now, I am told, Lay-dee has taken it upon herself to archive my previous writings, thoughts and experiences. This is yet another reason why she will never be my favorite. A refined lady, such as myself, would prefer to have a certain mystery that surrounds and follows her.

I would like to state for the record that I am greviously disturbed that my most private and vulnerable experiences have been exposed to tens of people for "entertainment" purposes and also, appallingly, for some outlandish, unreasonable hope of personal gain for Lay-dee.

I am a strong, independent Pinky Ruth and I will not be taken advantage of.

I have contacted my lawyers.

Signed, Pinky Ruth, disturbed

#lookingforsponsors #Ispeaktwolanguages #myleftsideisbest #Imgonnabeastar

(I have finally finished putting all of the Pinky Ruth posts onto my blog. If you want to read them all, they can be reached at www.slightlyexaggerated.com The first post was on July 30, 2021. Eventually,  PR will have her own space.)

Thursday, July 6, 2023

Pinky Ruth #95

Maddie and I stayed at Lay-dee’s house for 5 days. I watched the kids and the crows from the front window, chewed on a bit of plastic Lay-dee did not hide well, and saw scary Mr. Naked out Lay-dee’s back window.

One uninvited hooligan, Max, even snuck into my room for a visit. I glared and half-heartedly growled at him from my softy window perch. Maddie made him leave.
I also saw the other hooligan, Stanley, when I went to steal his food. He stared blankly at me. He wobbled when he walked. Maddie had to lift him onto Lay-dee and Big Daddy’s bed. And then Maddie and Lay-dee took turns petting him. No one paid any attention to me. I didn’t even care about stealing the hooligan food anymore. I took one last look at the hooligan on the bed. Something wasn’t right and I didn't like it. I went and hid in the closet.
The next day he was gone. I looked for him on the bed. I looked in every room. I even looked downstairs. I’ve never seen Maddie, Lay-dee and Big Daddy look so sad. I didn’t like the crying. I went and hid under the bed for a day.
Maddie took this picture on the day I met the Stanley hooligan. I was never happy about the hooligans trying to be my friend. But now, my visits to Lay-dee’s house just won’t be the same without that little black cat, Stanley.

Saturday, July 1, 2023

Pinky Ruth #94

I am sitting on the most comfortable, softy blanket, 2nd floor, suburban window perch that Lay-dee has ever created for me. She would like me to show my appreciation in a positive way.

Instead, I glared at her. I ate the treats she offered me and then hissed a few times until she went away. Lay-dee then called me a big poop. This is yet another reason why she will never be my favorite.
Thankfully, Maddie is here with me and this is not another Pinky Ruth "abandoned in the suburbs" story. Maddie has, however, been spending a lot of time with one of the elderly hooligans. Maddie says the hooligan might be dying.
I find myself saddened that the hooligan is no longer a healthy and equal adversary. Maddie gives good pets and always makes me feel better.
For now, the hooligan needs those Maddie pets more than I do.

Monday, May 29, 2023

Pinky Ruth #93

Day 5 of my holiday kidnapping: I knew the plastic was behind the closet door in the room next to mine. The minute Lay-dee left me unsupervised, I made a break for it. The smell behind the door was overwhelming. She found me staring at the closet door, nose to the floor at the base of the door. I was willing for that door to open.

Lay-dee said to me, "Pinky Ruth, you are never going to get that bubble wrap. I will not be an enabler to your addiction." This is yet another reason why Lay-dee will never be my favorite.
I buried my defeated and offended self under the bed covers in my room. I was blissfully sound asleep until Lay-dee threw the covers back and rudely stuffed me in my carrying case. I made sure to express my displeasure at being trapped the entire drive back to my city apartment. Lay-dee called my unhappy meows, death meows. I consider that a compliment.
And now, tonight, I am happy. I'm back with my Maddie.

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Pinky Ruth #92

Day 4 of my holiday kidnapping: I am less cranky today. I didn't hiss at Lay-dee once. I am always very tempted, however, each time she wants to chit-chat. I think Lay-dee needs someone to talk to because she is all alone with the hooligans and me for 5 days. She seems to have a lot to say in the last few days. Please just let me sleep Lay-dee. I believe I can speak for all felines--we rate our desire to sleep much greater than our desire to listen to your lonely Lay-dee incessant babbling.

I expanded my exploration of the upstairs today. I peed in the hooligans' litter box-a kidnapping tradition. I even jumped up on a desk and smelled every single thing I could. I thought I smelled a plastic flower that I could eat, but it turned out to be crepe paper.
I finally sat in the front window for a short time. I saw and heard a lot of power washing and lawn mowing and kids screaming. I soon retreated to the solace of my closet fort to get some peace and quiet. Now if only chatterbox Lay-dee stays away, I will finally get the 20 hours of sleep that I need.

Saturday, May 27, 2023

Pinky Ruth #91

Day 3 of my holiday kidnapping: I continue to sulk in my closet fort as much as Lay-dee will allow me to. Five times today she has woken me up from a deep sleep with an annoying, chirpy greeting.

I do not want to play. I do not want to use my scratcher box. I do not want to sit in the front window. I do not want to be brushed. I do want the treats. But I want Lay-dee to drop the treats and leave immediately, with as little conversation as possible.
I did manage to briefly venture out of my room today. It took me 5 minutes of exploration to finally find some tasty plastic that was within my reach. I was about to take a bite when Lay-dee arrived. She put her hands on her hips and we had a staredown. Lay-dee called me a plastic crackhead.
I have now retreated to my closet fort where I have resumed my sulking. I may never come out again.

Friday, May 26, 2023

Pinky Ruth #90

I'd like to welcome you to the 2nd annual Pinky Ruth Memorial Day Kidnapping. I have spent the last 31 hours sulking in my cozy closet fort in Lay-dee's house. Lay-dee seems desperate for me to appear cheerful during this unwanted holiday abduction.

Lay-dee keeps prattling on in her annoyingly chirpy voice. "You're such a pretty girl, Pinky Ruth!". "You're such a good girl, Pinky Ruth!". I stare at her with my half-eye open judgy look. She has responded to my indifference by giving me 5 treats, opening the window for me to "get the good smells" and trying to brush my fur twice. I responded by eating all of the treats and hissing at her 4 times.
Lay-dee told me Loud Boy is moving to New Mexico this weekend and Big Daddy is helping him. I now understand their heavy-handed goodbye pets this morning. Lay-dee told me this quietly in her regular, non-chirpy voice. She said, "It's just you and me this weekend Pinky Ruth. Just you...and me.....and of course, (the elderly hooligans).
Despite her happy, chirpy efforts to get me to come out of the closet, I think Lay-dee might be sad. I would like to state for the record, emphatically, that I am NOT an emotional support Pinky Ruth animal. I am a kidnapped Pinky Ruth, trapped in this cozy closet fort. I am frustrated to not be in my own sunshine spot in Maddie's apartment.
So why do I feel guilty for hissing at Lay-dee?

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Pinky Ruth #89

Pinky Ruth is now 10 years old and has taken up interstellar travel through her new wormhole crinkle tunnel. Happy Birthday, PR!

Friday, May 5, 2023

Pinky Ruth #88

Today is my 10th birthday. Maddie has told me I am getting a crinkle play tunnel for my birthday gift. I would like to offer the following gift suggestions for those of you who have yet to acknowledge my big day.

1. A birthday cake made entirely of plastic that Maddie will not take away from me.
2. A giant disco ball that will constantly reflect light that I can chase whenever I am feeling frisky.
3. A switch to turn off the apartment building fire alarm. It is loud and scary and there has never actually been a fire. (That one guy on the 6th floor didn't burn his curry enough to justify me leaving my blanket fort.)
4. A lifetime supply of the food that Lay-dee's elderly hooligan cats eat. It is much tastier than my kidney diet food.
5. Homes for all of the cats living in shelters. When Maddie found me I was facing backwards in my shelter cage. I was so lonely and confused. I would not even raise my head to look at Maddie when they tried to talk to me. I was 6 years old and I didn't understand why my first family left me alone at the shelter.
And then, Maddie took me home and everything changed for me.
Today, I am 10 years old. Today, I will cuddle under the cozy blankets with Maddie for as long as I want to. I will get some good ear-scratching. Maddie will tell me what a good cat I am. And I will purr. Perhaps, this is the best birthday gift of all.

Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Pinky Ruth #87

I would like to think I was mature enough to not hold a grudge. I would like to be a forgive-and-move-on kind of feline. But as last weekend approached, I found myself wondering if Maddie was going to abandon me for the 3rd weekend in a row.

While it's true, I was not abandoned this past weekend, I did spend an awful lot of time by myself on Sunday. I believe Maddie must have been feeling guilty about the small amount of time they have spent with me recently.
Because Maddie has bought me a gift.
Maddie has bought me a $4 cardboard log cabin with skylights. And I love it. I have never identified as a free-spirited, country-living, lady maverick. I have always enjoyed my life as a proper 5th-floor city gal, judging the chaos on the street below. I have, however, found my new cabin to be a place of peace and contentment. My new cabin allows me to escape from the stress of city life. Cabin naps are my new favorite thing.
If you had asked me last weekend, I would have told you that my recent weekend abandonments were going to cost Maddie quite a lot of time and money and cuddles and treats. I would have been wrong. It turns out a $4 cardboard log cabin is the going rate for my happiness, peace, and contentment.
Signed, Pinky Ruth, LCL (log cabin lady) #cabincutie #4dollarsismyprice

Monday, April 24, 2023

Pinky Ruth #86

Maddie came home on time yesterday. They called for me the minute they entered the apartment. I stayed burrowed under the blankets. Maddie patted the blankets I was sleeping under and said, "I'm home Pinky Ruth! Come on out!" I stayed burrowed under the blankets. Maddie then threw back the blankets, forcing me to wake up. They gave me the pets and the scratches and said nice things to me.

Just when I had fully woken up, Maddie said, "Oh Pinky Ruth, I am so exhausted. We are going to nap SO hard!"
I stared at Maddie.
That is exactly what I was doing-
before the blankets were thrown back.
Of course, I did not stay angry with Maddie for very long. After all, napping SO hard is something cats love and something I am particularly good at. It did not take long at all before we were both sound asleep, burrowed under the covers--together again.

Saturday, April 22, 2023

Pinky Ruth #85

I am now in the middle of the Pinky Ruth: Home Alone, part 2 adventure. To be completely transparent, I am not entirely alone. Karin did visit me today. It was nice to have company. Karin wanted me to sit with her on the couch. As much as I do like Karin, this was not an activity I was interested in.

But then I smelled the treats.
Karin held out her hand. I saw the treats. I ate the treats. And then Karin and I had a nice time together on the couch.
Apparently, I can be bought.
Karin told me Maddie would be home tomorrow.
I have heard this before.

Friday, April 21, 2023

Pinky Ruth #84

I had just recovered from my most recent abandonment ordeal only to watch my favorite Karin and my wonderful Maddie exchange keys again. I watched Maddie pack their suitcase. I rolled around in my scratcher box while Karin gave me the good scratches, telling me she would visit me tomorrow. And then, they both walked out the door.

They left me alone.
First, I shall look for plastic to eat. Second, I shall eat. Third, I shall judge the street below. Fourth, I shall spread all of the litter outside of the litter box. Fifth, I shall sleep in peace.

Monday, April 17, 2023

Pinky Ruth #83

My abandonment continued the following morning. Maddie never came home to me like Karin said they would. I waited by the door as long as I could. I was confused and crestfallen when I finally gave up and burrowed under the blankets on the bed.

When I woke up 13 hours later, I was still all alone. I was hungry and thirsty. I even considered drinking out of the toilet. As a discerning lady, I have never, ever stooped to the level of a lowly, common, feline toilet sipper. The longer my abandonment continued, however, the more attractive that dreaded toilet water became.
I missed Maddie terribly and wondered where they were. I wondered if they were missing me too. I missed Karin and wished she would visit me again. I even found myself missing Lay-dee. Lay-dee is not my favorite. But at least at Lay-dee's house, my water bowl is always full of delicious, filtered, suburban water system water.
I was at my lowest point when Maddie finally walked through the door. Maddie cuddled with me and I meowed my happy meows. Maddie then told me stories about buses that never left the station, expensive $850 flights, and suspicious packages shutting down trains. They had been stranded in Spokane!
Maddie said, "Oh Pinky Ruth! You have no idea what I've been through!" I quickly jumped down from their lap. Our happy reunion cuddle time was over. I loudly meowed back, "What YOU have been through? I came THIS close to drinking toilet water!"
But then they gave me food and water, clean litter, and the good behind the ear scratching. So we are friends again.