Friday, March 30, 2007

Idiots: What You Don't Know

What an idiot! At times it seems the world is full of people exhibiting unusual, unkind and unpredictable behavior for no apparent good reason. Is it possible, though, that there is something we don’t know?

You think the idiot in his black Escalade with tinted windows and aftermarket wheels, who aggressively and arrogantly stole your parking spot, is a perfect example of the selfish, materialistic, ignorant American. What you don’t know: He’s rushing into the pharmacy because he forgot to pick up infant Tylenol earlier on the way home from work. Now the baby’s screaming at home with yet another ear infection and his domineering and thoughtless wife has threatened to leave him, yet again, for being a stupid moron who never listens. Things will only get worse when she finds out he lost the $5 million dollar deal today and that he doesn’t know where they will get the money for next month’s $2800 house payment, $800 Escalade payment and the medical bills they have for his hair plugs and her implants.

You think the idiot checker at the grocery store could be a little friendlier, bag a little faster and remember the first time she asks whether you wanted paper or plastic. After all, that’s her job. What you don’t know: Her divorce was just final from her philandering husband of 24 years who left her for a 22 year old Deal or No Deal girl who also happens to be in medical school. Trying to regain some self esteem as she re-enters that dating world, she recently bought contacts, started using self tanner and began wearing a thong. Who knew today would be the day she’d lose one of those contacts in the parking lot, find out she’s embarrassingly allergic to self tanner and realize, amid much discomfort, that she is definitely not a thong kind of girl?

You think the neighborhood teenager who wears only black, listens to horror metal music and smokes like a chimney is an idiot lowlife who will steal your car on his way to a life of drug addiction and prison. What you don’t know: He was born with fetal alcohol syndrome, was beaten by one parent and eventually abandoned by both. He’s seen his best friend die of leukemia. He has witnessed his elderly grandparents battle diabetes, a stroke and two heart attacks. If they die, he will be homeless. He’s fascinated by architecture, has seen every James Bond movie at least 3 times and thinks the gothic girl from history class with the purple hair is totally hot but is too afraid to ask her out. Besides, he doesn’t even have a car….at least not yet…….

You think the idiot driver that has been on your tail for the last 2 miles and then crossed the double yellow line to pass you right before the semi came around the bend in the road has a real problem with road rage and will kill somebody if he doesn’t get some serious anger management help soon. What you don’t know: This poor man has found himself in an extremely unfortunate situation and needs to get home quickly. He is about ready to spew forth copious amounts of diarrhea into his pants and all over the driver’s seat of his car. Now, of course, nobody wants to be an accessory to that sort of biological calamity. So, just let the poor man pass and get as far away from you as possible.

Check This Out!
Moscow, 1941 is an amazing musical composition by 31 year old composer, Brian Balmages that I heard this week at the local school district's band festival. The festival featured bands from 6th grade beginners up through the highly enjoyable high school jazz band. The best performance of the night, however, was Moscow, 1941 by the 8th grade musicians. It silenced the room. You can listen to it at
Scroll down to Grade 2 and click on Moscow, 1941. Then click on "play recording" about halfway down the page.

1 comment:

Laura E said...

This is awesome. I loved the "not a thong kinda girl" line. That's priceless!