Monday, May 29, 2023

Pinky Ruth #93

Day 5 of my holiday kidnapping: I knew the plastic was behind the closet door in the room next to mine. The minute Lay-dee left me unsupervised, I made a break for it. The smell behind the door was overwhelming. She found me staring at the closet door, nose to the floor at the base of the door. I was willing for that door to open.

Lay-dee said to me, "Pinky Ruth, you are never going to get that bubble wrap. I will not be an enabler to your addiction." This is yet another reason why Lay-dee will never be my favorite.
I buried my defeated and offended self under the bed covers in my room. I was blissfully sound asleep until Lay-dee threw the covers back and rudely stuffed me in my carrying case. I made sure to express my displeasure at being trapped the entire drive back to my city apartment. Lay-dee called my unhappy meows, death meows. I consider that a compliment.
And now, tonight, I am happy. I'm back with my Maddie.

Sunday, May 28, 2023

Pinky Ruth #92

Day 4 of my holiday kidnapping: I am less cranky today. I didn't hiss at Lay-dee once. I am always very tempted, however, each time she wants to chit-chat. I think Lay-dee needs someone to talk to because she is all alone with the hooligans and me for 5 days. She seems to have a lot to say in the last few days. Please just let me sleep Lay-dee. I believe I can speak for all felines--we rate our desire to sleep much greater than our desire to listen to your lonely Lay-dee incessant babbling.

I expanded my exploration of the upstairs today. I peed in the hooligans' litter box-a kidnapping tradition. I even jumped up on a desk and smelled every single thing I could. I thought I smelled a plastic flower that I could eat, but it turned out to be crepe paper.
I finally sat in the front window for a short time. I saw and heard a lot of power washing and lawn mowing and kids screaming. I soon retreated to the solace of my closet fort to get some peace and quiet. Now if only chatterbox Lay-dee stays away, I will finally get the 20 hours of sleep that I need.

Saturday, May 27, 2023

Pinky Ruth #91

Day 3 of my holiday kidnapping: I continue to sulk in my closet fort as much as Lay-dee will allow me to. Five times today she has woken me up from a deep sleep with an annoying, chirpy greeting.

I do not want to play. I do not want to use my scratcher box. I do not want to sit in the front window. I do not want to be brushed. I do want the treats. But I want Lay-dee to drop the treats and leave immediately, with as little conversation as possible.
I did manage to briefly venture out of my room today. It took me 5 minutes of exploration to finally find some tasty plastic that was within my reach. I was about to take a bite when Lay-dee arrived. She put her hands on her hips and we had a staredown. Lay-dee called me a plastic crackhead.
I have now retreated to my closet fort where I have resumed my sulking. I may never come out again.

Friday, May 26, 2023

Pinky Ruth #90

I'd like to welcome you to the 2nd annual Pinky Ruth Memorial Day Kidnapping. I have spent the last 31 hours sulking in my cozy closet fort in Lay-dee's house. Lay-dee seems desperate for me to appear cheerful during this unwanted holiday abduction.

Lay-dee keeps prattling on in her annoyingly chirpy voice. "You're such a pretty girl, Pinky Ruth!". "You're such a good girl, Pinky Ruth!". I stare at her with my half-eye open judgy look. She has responded to my indifference by giving me 5 treats, opening the window for me to "get the good smells" and trying to brush my fur twice. I responded by eating all of the treats and hissing at her 4 times.
Lay-dee told me Loud Boy is moving to New Mexico this weekend and Big Daddy is helping him. I now understand their heavy-handed goodbye pets this morning. Lay-dee told me this quietly in her regular, non-chirpy voice. She said, "It's just you and me this weekend Pinky Ruth. Just you...and me.....and of course, (the elderly hooligans).
Despite her happy, chirpy efforts to get me to come out of the closet, I think Lay-dee might be sad. I would like to state for the record, emphatically, that I am NOT an emotional support Pinky Ruth animal. I am a kidnapped Pinky Ruth, trapped in this cozy closet fort. I am frustrated to not be in my own sunshine spot in Maddie's apartment.
So why do I feel guilty for hissing at Lay-dee?

Sunday, May 14, 2023

Pinky Ruth #89

Pinky Ruth is now 10 years old and has taken up interstellar travel through her new wormhole crinkle tunnel. Happy Birthday, PR!

Friday, May 5, 2023

Pinky Ruth #88

Today is my 10th birthday. Maddie has told me I am getting a crinkle play tunnel for my birthday gift. I would like to offer the following gift suggestions for those of you who have yet to acknowledge my big day.

1. A birthday cake made entirely of plastic that Maddie will not take away from me.
2. A giant disco ball that will constantly reflect light that I can chase whenever I am feeling frisky.
3. A switch to turn off the apartment building fire alarm. It is loud and scary and there has never actually been a fire. (That one guy on the 6th floor didn't burn his curry enough to justify me leaving my blanket fort.)
4. A lifetime supply of the food that Lay-dee's elderly hooligan cats eat. It is much tastier than my kidney diet food.
5. Homes for all of the cats living in shelters. When Maddie found me I was facing backwards in my shelter cage. I was so lonely and confused. I would not even raise my head to look at Maddie when they tried to talk to me. I was 6 years old and I didn't understand why my first family left me alone at the shelter.
And then, Maddie took me home and everything changed for me.
Today, I am 10 years old. Today, I will cuddle under the cozy blankets with Maddie for as long as I want to. I will get some good ear-scratching. Maddie will tell me what a good cat I am. And I will purr. Perhaps, this is the best birthday gift of all.

Tuesday, May 2, 2023

Pinky Ruth #87

I would like to think I was mature enough to not hold a grudge. I would like to be a forgive-and-move-on kind of feline. But as last weekend approached, I found myself wondering if Maddie was going to abandon me for the 3rd weekend in a row.

While it's true, I was not abandoned this past weekend, I did spend an awful lot of time by myself on Sunday. I believe Maddie must have been feeling guilty about the small amount of time they have spent with me recently.
Because Maddie has bought me a gift.
Maddie has bought me a $4 cardboard log cabin with skylights. And I love it. I have never identified as a free-spirited, country-living, lady maverick. I have always enjoyed my life as a proper 5th-floor city gal, judging the chaos on the street below. I have, however, found my new cabin to be a place of peace and contentment. My new cabin allows me to escape from the stress of city life. Cabin naps are my new favorite thing.
If you had asked me last weekend, I would have told you that my recent weekend abandonments were going to cost Maddie quite a lot of time and money and cuddles and treats. I would have been wrong. It turns out a $4 cardboard log cabin is the going rate for my happiness, peace, and contentment.
Signed, Pinky Ruth, LCL (log cabin lady) #cabincutie #4dollarsismyprice