Tuesday, June 9, 2009


Does your family complain about your cooking? Does your family prefer to go out to eat instead of eating at home? Does your family not give a rip about their arterial health? I’ve been there my friend and I’m here to tell you, there is hope. There is a solution to your problems. Your family will soon love your cooking! Dinner at home will be fun again! And you will quickly learn to live in denial about your family's health status just as they do!

For many years I’ve mistakenly believed that my family liked meals made with chicken and fish and shrimp. They’ve happily consumed many restaurant meals of fried chicken, fish tacos and breaded shrimp. At home however, the healthier roasted chicken, salmon tacos and shrimp pasta I lovingly prepared them were eaten a bit less enthusiastically. When my family didn’t enjoy the food I had made, I blamed myself. Imagine my relief when I realized that I could place the blame on someone else! I wasn’t a bad cook. I was a victim.

My family’s taste buds had been hijacked. Scientists have proven that taste bud hijacking and the accompanying changes in food preferences can be blamed almost entirely on a Mr. Colonel Sanders. There as also been extensive subversive support of the Colonel from a Mr. Ray Kroc and quite possibly the entire tempura and panko loving population of Japan. Because of the Colonel and his posse's reprehensible and ultimately addictive actions, good people such as my family and yours, have through no fault of our own, come to prefer food that is fried.

Research has also proven that while most people do prefer food that is fried, they really are most happy when consuming the actual fried coating itself. The food it was covering is merely an incidental delivery vehicle for the crispy goodness and crunchy fun that only fried breading can provide. Studies have shown that once exposed to this fried breading, it becomes nearly impossible for the average person to resist it's tempting and ultimately habit forming draw.

That is why in my home, we have finally stopped fighting the pull of the entire FRIED world. We have decided to fully embrace our hijacked taste buds. We now ignorantly focus on what really makes us happy. We are now a FRIED family. It's just easier this way. We have stopped wasting our money buying chicken and fish and shrimp. We have stopped wasting time preparing these expensive store bought ingredients. We now spend more time together as a family enjoying FRIED. We don’t worry about the chicken; we just go straight for the fried outside part. We don’t bread our shrimp; we just fry the breading. I'm here to tell you that my family is happier than they have ever been because they are finally getting the juicy, greasy goodness they prefer. And I am happy spending less money on food, spending less time cooking in the kitchen and most importantly, I am enjoying the rave reviews my family now gives me at every FRIED meal.

All of this joy can be yours. You too can live in denial and have this kind of bliss in your home. Whether you choose tempura batter, an egg/flour/crushed cornflake coating, or the ever popular buttermilk/breadcrumb dip with the Colonel’s own 11 herbs and spices, I guarantee that your family will no longer complain about your cooking.

So go fill a pot with oil, turn on the burner and start your journey of making mealtime a happy time in your household again. And the next time your family asks what is for dinner, do what I have done and scream like a crazy woman, “FRIED! We are having FRIED because that’s the only thing you people seem to like!” Ahem.

You won’t be sorry.

Check This Out!

When the Slightly Exaggerated family wants to annoy the neighbors, we open all of the windows, turn on the ABC show Wipeout and set the husband down in front of the TV. He laughs so loudly and and obnoxiously that we think he might need some Depends.

And while you're watching Wipeout, you can have this super easy non FRIED meal for dinner.

Slow Cooked Italian Chicken

Empty two packets of powdered Italian dressing into a crock pot. Add a cup or so of water and mix. Put in 4, or so, boneless, skinless chicken breasts and coat with the dressing mixture. Cook on low for 3 hours. Mix one 8 oz package of softened cream cheese with a big can of cream of chicken soup. Add mushrooms if you like them. Pour over the top of the chicken, stir and cook on low for another hour. At this point, you can dice or shred the chicken and put it back in the pot. Or leave the breasts whole, if you prefer. During the last few minutes of cooking you can throw in some peas or broccoli too. Serve the whole thing over rice or noodles.

The Slightly Exaggerated family version of this meal included shredding the chicken. We also used low fat versions of the soup and cream cheese. Mushrooms and peas were served separately at the table and added by those who weren't 9 year old boys.


Anonymous said...

Fried cod...that's my weakness. Oh, that and the beer that goes with it. Life is meant to be enjoyed.

calimom said...

There is nothing better in this world than the Colonel's extra crispy...dipped in gravy. It's my comfort food. I'll come over to the fried side with you. I'm not afraid.

Holly said...

I love it!!

Favorite movie quote about the Colonel... "he's puts an addictive chemical in it that makes you crave it fortnightly."

And I haven't heard any guffaw-ing coming from your house...

Anonymous said...

This made me laugh so much I may have to borrow the husband's Depends.

hazel k. said...

Hilarious! Makes me want to "get fried." But first must try the Italian chicken, sounds good.

Hazel, Jim's wife. =)