Thursday, April 2, 2009

Free Shipping

It wasn’t the bad S-H word that caused me to raise my eyebrows. It was the toddlers arriving for story time at the library as the man muttered the bad S-H word that gave me some concern.

I peered around my computer screen to find the man in heated conversation with his monitor. He peered intently at the screen in front of him and continued to express the thoughts in his head loud enough for his nearest neighbors to enjoy.

“I know you want me to fill that in but….but…..WHERE!”

The computer silently spoke back to him. The man became more frustrated.

“I THOUGHT I already did that! You know, I’m beginning to think you are full of crap.”

As the mothers rushed their toddlers past the man he slammed his hand down on the table. “Are you kidding me? Seriously? $9.95? You can’t possibly be serious.”

The computer must have been serious. The man was silent for a brief moment.

And then he leaned in toward the monitor and spoke to it through gritted teeth. “I quit. You win. I will just buy my sweater at the mall.”

I tried to casually glance at the man without him seeing me. I wasn’t the only one. I even saw the hip young woman next to him obviously staring right at him. The staring lady started to chuckle out loud. The defeated computer man turned to look at her. “What?” he asked her. “What do you find so very funny?”

She leaned in to him and put her hand on his shoulder. “Oh I’m so sorry for laughing.” she said. “It’s just, we’ve all been there. God knows we’ve all been there man. I tell ya, I feel for ya. We’ve all screamed at our computer before. It’s just….well…it’s just that most people don’t do it at the public library while 37 toddlers walk by.”

The man silently stared at her for a moment and then looked around at the rest of the computer users near him. We all simultaneously and most conspiculously ducked our heads back behind our own screens. We started typing gibberish in the hopes of appearing to be involved in our own computer work. He stood up, took one last look at the computer, and started to put his coat on.

And as the man walked away he could be heard muttering, “Free shipping my *ss.”

Check This Out!

I've been enjoying the PBS series, Spain...On the Road Again. Chef Mario Batali takes Gwyneth Paltrow, New York Times food columnist Mark Bittman, and Spanish film star Claudia Bassols on the ultimate foodie road trip through Spain's picturesque countryside. Good food, good scenery and a bit of history thrown in makes for a most enjoyable show.

I also made risotto a few nights ago for dinner. Each family member then threw in their favorite mix-in of choice. The Slightly Exaggerated family chose sauteed mushrooms, peas, chopped artichokes and bacon. One extravagant family member even chose them all. Make your own basic risotto recipe, throw in your favorites and you will be most happy.


Anonymous said...

That was F-IN funny. H*ll, for a minute I thought you were even talking about me.

calimom said...

I tried to get free shipping once. I went through my whole order with the promise of free shipping. When I got to the end they told me I only needed to order $74.92 more to get my free shipping. I yelled at my computer too. "Free shipping my *ss" is right. My dog was offended.

Anonymous said...

Then there's the patron who can't remember his password and we help him "rediscover" it daily...I don't know how he could forget it, heck, we even remember if for him now, Sh***er1, duh!

jimkitt said...

You do great slice of life stuff Melissa. Today's S@H piece is so right. My wife who is an expert on buying stuff through the mail verifies all that the poor guy at the library had just discovered, and you reported .

Keep it up.