Monday, March 2, 2009

The Magic Scale

I held the underwear that was too big for the boy in my left hand and a Target receipt in my right hand. I was second in line. The lady in front of me held a bathroom scale in her hand. She walked up to the Target employee at the customer service desk and dropped the scale on the counter.

“I need to return this scale.”

“I’d be happy to help you with that.” the Target employee replied. “I just need a receipt and your reason for returning the scale.”

“I don’t have a receipt. And I’m returning it because it doesn’t work.”

“Ok, that’s no problem. We allow two returns without a receipt in a 12 month period. I’ll just need your driver’s license number. Oh, and you don’t by chance still have the box the scale came in, do you?”

“Hell, no! I bought that scale months ago. It’s never worked!” the lady barked. “The thing is a piece of junk. Every time I step on that thing it never says the right thing. I’m convinced of it. Every morning I go in my bathroom, pee as much as I can, get myself buck naked and I step on that scale. And every morning that frickin’ scale tells me I’ve lost weight.”

That lady then proceeded to untuck her shirt and pull it up just a little too far. She grabbed the elastic waistband of her pants and pulled on it. “Now I want you to take one good look at these pants. “ she said to the Target employee. “Do they look too big to you? No. Of course they don’t. But that piece of crap scale claims I’ve lost 16 pounds. Now if I really had lost 16 pounds don’t you think my pants would be a bit looser than this?”



When it was my turn, I walked up to the Target employee at the customer service desk and dropped the underwear on the counter.

“I need to return this underwear.”

“I’d be happy to help you with that.” the Target employee replied. “I just need a receipt and your reason for returning the underwear.”

“Here’s my receipt. I accidentally bought the wrong size for my son. The underwear is too big for him.”

“Ok, that’s no problem. Would you like to exchange it for the right size?” the employee asked me.

“No, I’d like to exchange it for that last lady’s broken scale. A scale like that is very hard to find. And I know I’ll get more enjoyment out of that scale than my son would from underwear.”


Check This Out!

This week at Slightly Exaggerated we are obsessed with the CBS show The Big Bang Theory, the very inspiring garden book down-to earth Gardener by Suzy Bales, and with adding butter beans and salmon to our salads. These things have made us happy this week and we strongly suggest that you check them out.

6 comments:

Anonymous said...

Magic Scales for everyone! Mine has never told me I've lost weight. I'll be first in line.

Holly said...

I might also go to target for the magic complimenter who is always telling me how ravishing I look... or maybe the miracle dinner that makes the magic scale work even better! :)

Anonymous said...

Every few years I just set my scale back a few pounds. After a few weeks I forget I've done it. It does make me feel better!

Anonymous said...

Oh I NEEDED that laugh today...came down with a nasty flu bug over the weekend, but still had to work today. My head, sinuses, back, neck, throat, eyeballs all hurt...I really needed something to smile at! VK

~amy~ said...

Okay, you crack me up! hilarious..

jimbobbilly said...

Very, very funny. The anecdote to this horrible economy. Laughing about stupid people!