Thursday, November 15, 2007

They Might Be Different Than Me

They’re talking about letting people different than me move to my suburb.

Apparently, it’s not going to turn out well.

They’re talking about letting poor people move to my suburb and they might be different than me. Apparently, not all of them will be white. They will live in cramped apartments. Near my neighborhood. Their children will hang out in the apartment parking lot playing loud music and will be up to no good. They will be criminals who will steal my television set or my car. They will have tattoos and guns and get high on drugs. They will be on welfare and be supported by my tax dollars. They have nothing to offer the suburbs. The people are not happy about this.

They’re talking about letting rich people move to my suburb and they might be different than me. Apparently, most of them will be white. They will live in huge, wasteful houses. Near my neighborhood. Their children will hang out unsupervised at home playing Xbox and will be up to no good. They will be criminals who lie on their expense report and pay the housekeeper under the table. They will hide their tattoos and guns and get drunk on rum and Coke. They will be too busy to be on the school board and will complain about paying their tax dollars. They have so much to offer the suburbs. The people are so happy about this.

They’re talking about letting conservative people move to my suburb and they might be different than me. Apparently, most of them will have “Bush ’04” bumper stickers on the back of their Ford pickup trucks. They will accept the federal deficit, will protest abortion on the weekends and will vehemently support the NRA.

They’re talking about letting liberal people move to my suburb and they might be different than me. Apparently, most of them will have “Obama ’08” bumper stickers on the back of their Subarus. They will accept homosexuality, will protest the war on weekends and will vehemently support organic, sustainable agriculture.

“Green” people might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will make the rest of us feel inferior as they smugly drive their hybrids, ride their bicycles or take the bus to work every day.

Skeptical people might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them still think Al Gore is an idiot, still have incandescent light bulbs in their home, and still own 2 stroke gas powered lawn equipment.

Vegetarians might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will offend the rest of us as they rudely refuse to eat the standard ribs or hamburgers at the neighborhood barbeque parties.

Christians might move to my suburb. Apparently most of them will be unavailable for Sunday morning yard work before the football game and will also cause horrible traffic congestion as their cars will suddenly be unmanned when the rapture comes.

Lazy people might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will cause my property value to go down when they don’t mow their lawn or paint their trim or clean their garage.

Type A people might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will cause my house and yard to look unkempt as they will spend every weekend making their own look spectacular.

Aging hippies might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will spend their time depleting the worldwide supply of Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia ice cream while they smoke the pot they grew under the grow lights kept in the spare bedroom.

Children might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will be loud and unruly and will let their soccer balls and their feet and their bikes trample what little grass I have managed to grow.

Dogs might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will wake me up with their morning barking, stink up my shoes with their daily deposit on my lawn and torture my petunias when they attempt to dig them up.

Self absorbed people might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will never be seen or heard from because they have better things to do than make friends.

Kind and giving people might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will drive me crazy trying to get me to volunteer with them to clean the neighborhood park or collect food for the food bank or make a casserole for the lady who was in the car accident.

Computer geeks might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will frustrate me as they download super large files and steal my bandwidth from the cable internet connection.

Cell phone owners might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them won’t look as they back out of their driveway while dialing, will ignore their children when they take them to the park and talk on their phone, and will interrupt our neighborly conversation to answer the Celine Dion ringtone.

Teenagers might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will waste away entire days viewing their My Space account, texting until their thumbs go numb and pulling their pants up to cover up their muffin top.

Ethnic people might move to my suburb. Apparently, most of them will look different than me, wear their hair different than me and have different kinds of smells coming from their kitchen.

Illegal aliens might move to my suburb. Apparently, none of them speak English. Well, that's just plain wrong. This is America!

They’re talking about letting people different than me move to my suburb.

The people are unsure about this.

They think they know.

They’re talking about letting short, married women with children move to my suburb and they might be just like me. Apparently, one of them will be a blogger who, if given enough time, just might find a way to offend every single person she knows.


Check This Out!

If you haven’t seen the Discovery channel’s series, Planet Earth, you are truly missing out. As one of the children said, “I like this WAY more than I than I thought I would mom. It’s pretty cool.” For a preview, go to dsc.discovery.com. Type in Planet Earth in the site search. Click on videos to get an amazing preview. I know that will convince you watch on TV or buy the DVD.

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