I felt the winds of change blowing in my face a few weeks ago. I had been breathing in the stagnant air of death, depression and a dozen extra pounds for many months. I had been praying the winds of change would rescue me. It was a cold, quiet Thursday morning when they arrived and I finally heard their great wisdom. The winds of change enveloped me, pulled me in tight and whispered in my ear, “Get a haircut, would ya?”
It was so simple and so wise. I knew it was the answer. The last time I had my hair cut was 3 ½ months ago, the day after my mother’s funeral. And since then, as each week passed and my hair grew longer, it became easier and easier to hide behind the symbolic shapeless mess that hid my telling eyes. But now, it seemed so obvious that the winds of change were on to something. A haircut would change everything. A haircut was just what I needed.
As I pondered the direction my hair should take next, I knew I wasn’t simply contemplating the length or style of my hair. It was a much bigger decision than that. Each possibility for my hair somehow represented a new kind of possibility for my life that was much more expansive and significant than the hair alone. I was ready to move on and I had high expectations that this haircut was just the vehicle to jumpstart the process. After days of deliberation, I finally narrowed it down to three possible life scenarios…I mean, haircuts.
Haircut #1-My hair would be somewhat glamorous and so would my life. I would leave my hair long. I would clean up the ends and add a few long layers to show off my natural flowing waves. Perhaps I would even add a little reddish blond color to enhance my glowing tan. With this kind of haircut I would easily lose 20 pounds. I would wear a lot of sophisticated black and dig my spiky, pointy toed boots out of my closet. My blog would be purchased as a book by a big New York publisher and I would start my publicity tour on Good Morning America.
Haircut #2-My hair would be somewhat edgy and so would my life. I would chop much of my hair off. I would get rid of the bulk, and put in a bunch of random, spiky layers. Perhaps I would even add a highlight or two to enhance my glowing tan. With this kind of haircut I would easily lose 20 pounds. I would wear a lot of trendy black and dig my chunky anti-establishment boots out of my closet. My blog would be purchased as a column by a local counter-culture newspaper and I would start my publicity tour at the local “Free Tibet” rally at the inner city community college.
Haircut #3-My hair would be somewhat sensible and so would my life. I would cut a few inches off and shape it into a nice, easily maintained bob. Perhaps I would even cover the grey hairs with shade similar to my own to enhance my pasty white, SPF 30 covered skin. With this kind of haircut I would struggle to lose 5 or 10 pounds and eventually start labeling myself “big boned”. I would wear a lot of slimming, black and comfy mom jeans and dig my worn out tennis shoes out from under the coffee table where I left them last night. My blog would continue to be well received but not very profitable and I would always mean to start marketing it—tomorrow.
This isn’t the first time I’ve expected my life to change for unusual reasons. Every time I organize a drawer or clean out a closet, I fully expect to wake up the next morning supremely effective and super efficient in everything I do. One time I decided that white pasta was keeping me from becoming a more successful writer, not to mention a bit thinner. Last year I bought new bathroom towels and was sure that, because of the towels, the boy would suddenly start picking his clothes up off the floor. I even convinced myself once that a particular kind of bedroom curtain would help the teenager completely change her personality and become a much happier morning person. So it should come as no surprise that I had very high expectations for my new haircut.
And now I sit here today, the day after receiving the haircut that was to be a catalyst for change. I sit here today, as very much the same person I was yesterday. I do sit here today, however, with a newfound spark that wasn’t there yesterday. I do feel a bit edgier. I even dug my chunky boots out of my closet and paired them with my comfy mom jeans. I still have a few grey hairs but they blend in a bit better with my new random, super cute layers. I am wearing SPF 30 lotion but it also has a bit of self tanner mixed in. I did watch Good Morning America this morning, albeit from the comfort of my own couch, but I did it weighing one pound less than I did a few days ago. And perhaps most important, you can now see my telling eyes peeking out from behind my trendy, spiky bangs. My fabulous new haircut did change things. I do feel different.
Now I’ll admit that my new haircut may not have changed my life in a grand, shocking way, but it did jumpstart the process of change for me. I am newly invigorated and inspired. In fact, I am ready to now take on even bigger changes. And, I know exactly how I’m going to start. You see, I have felt the winds of change blowing again. They have enveloped me, pulled me in tight and whispered in my ear, “Get a Fanny Lifter, would ya?”
And I have listened. I have just ordered a new FIRM workout DVD complete with the amazing Fanny Lifter Box! How could that NOT change my life? It is so simple and so wise. I just know it is the answer. It seems so obvious now that the winds of change are on to something. A Fanny Lifter will change everything. A Fanny Lifter is just what I need.
Check This Out!
This week the fine folks at Slightly Exaggerated have watched the 1999 Jodie Foster movie, Anna and the King while eating a toasted turkey and havarti on sourdough sandwich. We highly recommend both.